Running From The Fire or Toward the Flame?
Dee@MissFitCoaching.com is an executive career coach in Chicago. She gets you where you're going, faster.
People come to me from all walks of life. Some are quietly considering a change, others are already preparing to leave. But no matter where they are in the process, one thing matters more than anything else: understanding why they want to move.
Back in those early, hazy days after the pandemic, the reasons felt pretty obvious. It was all about reprioritizing, redefining balance, and escaping those arbitrary return-to-office rules.
But things have shifted. Now, the reasons people are contemplating a change feel… deeper. More nuanced.
Sometimes, a life shift creates the need: the arrival of a child, an aging parent who now needs care, a desire to slow down. Then you have others who are being pulled by something new and exciting. A surprising opportunity pops up, and suddenly, they can see a completely different version of their future unfolding. These are the people running toward something.
But more often, people are running from something, and what they’re running from deserves more attention than it usually gets.
Running To or Running From?
This distinction is huge and matters way more than you might think.
When you're running to something, there's usually this buzz of excitement. You've got clarity, momentum, and a real sense of purpose driving you forward.
But running from something is a whole different ballgame. It often feels murky, clouded by frustration and that heavy weight of burnout. The energy behind it feels reactive, like you're just trying to escape the discomfort.
For so many people I talk to, the problem is not even the job itself. It's the experience of doing it. The company culture may feel completely off, or perhaps the team dynamic is draining all their energy.
If you feel like you're reacting to whatever comes your way instead of making conscious choices, chances are you're running from something. So, before you dive headfirst into those job boards again or start tweaking your resume for the umpteenth time, pause and ask yourself some really honest questions.
What was happening in your life the last time you decided to make a career change?
What has shifted in your current situation that's making you consider leaving now?
What was that specific moment, that tipping point, that moved you from just thinking about leaving to acting on it?
All situations are co-created. What are you contributing to this situation?
What are you really trying to get away from?
What are you hoping to find in your next role? Is it even possible?
Your Role in the Situation
You've probably heard the saying, "People don't quit companies; they quit managers." While there's definitely some truth to that, it's only one piece of the puzzle.
Every single work relationship, whether it's amazing or a struggle, is co-created. It takes two (or more!) to tango. Nothing exists in a vacuum, and no dynamic is ever entirely one-sided. You're not just a passive recipient of what's happening around you. You're actively shaping it, even in small ways.
So, if you want to create a different and more fulfilling experience in your next role, you've got to understand the part you played in your current one. What were your patterns? What did you bring to the table?
Could You Be the Issue?
This is one of those questions that can feel uncomfortable. But it's also one of the most crucial ones to wrestle with.
Is there a fundamental mismatch between what your current job actually demands of you and what you're currently bringing to the table? Do your core values truly align with the company culture? Or could the issue be the broader context you're operating in?
Context always matters. You could be absolutely brilliant and thrive in one environment, and then feel out of your depth in another. What one manager values and appreciates might be frowned upon by the next. Your inherent capabilities haven't suddenly vanished; the rules of the game have simply changed.
So whenever you feel discomfort at work, pay attention. Don’t just push past it. Take time to understand what it’s telling you.
Move with Intention, Not Impulse
You don't need to have every single answer perfectly mapped out before you make a move. That's rarely how life works anyway. But you need to take a breath before you leap into something new.
A new job won’t automatically fix what you haven’t unpacked. A new boss won’t erase a lack of clarity. A new title will not provide a sense of fulfillment if your goals are undefined.
Get honest with yourself, understand what’s pushing you to leave and clarify what you want to move toward.
Warmly,
Dee DeRidder | MBA, SHRM-SPC, NRWA, ICF
Founder & Executive Career Coach